Tag: ritual

Tips and Tricks

Routine versus Ritual And Using Them To My Advantage

insidethemessylife
Photo by Prophsee Journals on Unsplash

There is all this talk about creating routines and habits to make your life easier and I subscribe to that thought process but when do we really need ritual instead of routine?

Let’s start by diving into the definitions of the words. According to Merriam-Webster:

Routine when used as a noun means “a regular course of procedure; habitual or mechanical performance of an established procedure” or when used as an adjective “of a commonplace or repetitious character; ordinary”.

Whereas ritual is defined as “the established form for a ceremony “or “a ceremonial act or action” when used as a noun or “of or relating to rites or a ritual: ceremonial” when used as an adjective.

While these words on their surface may sound relatively interchangeable if we look at their definitions, we see that there is a difference between them. Routine feels habitual, something that can be done or dealt with without requiring any deeper thought or purpose. Ritual, on the other hand, feels more intentional.

If you subscribe to a religious affiliation and you conduct your prayers or practices as routine do they feel as special or transformative? If you are picking up your mail or driving to work (or some other well practiced destination) do you treat it with reverence?

It’s been important for me to think about what in my life is a ritual and what is a routine; focusing on how these two things are different allows me to use them both beneficially.

Routines, in my experience, are habits and practices that you can do automatically. This is something that doesn’t require much thought and if you want to build easier, better habits using your routines to your advantage is helpful. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear really pinpoints the idea of making habits by building on small, already accessible routines — like if you want to start an exercise habit maybe do 5 squats while you’re brushing your teeth. Something small and routine that ultimately you can do without thinking.

Routines can get you through the grinding tasks of adulthood or things you know you should be doing but don’t really want to — when the inner teenager is shouting “but I don’t wanna!” These are ways to automate the tasks that your mother (or other adult caregiver in your life) would make you do against your will.

For example, I hate folding laundry. For some reason, this task is my “wall of awful” where I just see the laundry baskets piling up (my husband does the laundry) and every time a new laundry basket gets added I just die a little inside. I don’t know why, it’s really not that big of a deal but for some reason folding clothes is like torture — matching all the socks especially because they’re all SLIGHTLY different, am I right?

Anyway, I digress.

After everyone else goes to bed, I usually stay up and watch a little TV. Usually, an episode or two depending on what time it is, and my routine has become when I sit and watch TV, I fold the laundry. I have paired these two activities together to help me do the one I NEED to do but don’t really want to do. Using a routine in this case has helped me combat my inner teenager and “adult”.

Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash

But when I want to feel connected or intentional about my activities, that’s when I investigate making something a ritual. In December 2021 I wrote about my after-work ritual that helps me close out my workday and transition into my home life without dragging the stress of work home with me.

This ritual is an intentional 10 minutes of my day that allows me space to decompress and shift into my family life and responsibilities. If I died tomorrow, work would replace me ASAP, but my family cannot. I do not want to waste my time with my family being caught up in work and this ritual allows me to take 10 minutes to put a bookend on my day to ensure work stress (for the most part) is not distracting me or taking me mentally away from my family.

The other ritual I have found to be helpful is my morning ritual. I used to call it a morning routine because there is lots of evidence out there talking about the “best” morning routine, but I have found that I need some intentionality to starting my day. By participating in my morning ritual, I shake off the sleep, feel grounded and therefore ready to start my day.

Realizing this difference in routine vs. ritual has helped me see the value in both and when one may be more appropriate than the other. I have created routines in my life regarding cleaning and movement, but I’ve created rituals to connect on a different level with myself, my family, my friends, and my world.

Routines are largely passive and about making life easier whereas ritual is active and about making life more meaningful. Separating the two and using them at different times makes life better.

Life and Health, Tips and Tricks

Doing A Better Job in Just 10 Minutes a Day

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Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

The past 21 months (how has it been 21 months?) has completely changed many of our relationships with work. From the great resignation, having to work from home, or being more stressed out at work than ever before we’ve all experienced stressors these past near two years. People magazine has named teachers as “people of the year” along with Simone Biles, Dolly Parton, and Sandra Oh, pretty good company I think? While you may not feel that every teacher you’ve come in contact with has done a remarkable job (and that’s true during “good” years too) I know that many of my colleagues and friends have been working under extreme stress and trying to navigate the new norms and expectations that this situation has brought us.

I know for myself part of the job I love the most is connecting with and mentoring kids was extremely hard during the 2020–2021 school year. Trying to motivate most students was enormously difficult last year and the beginning of this school year brought in a whole host of issues. This year I think many of us, myself included, erroneously thought that students would be so happy to be back in “normal” school that they would just pick up where we left off in March 2020 and all would be well. Clearly that has not been the case — everyone has been changed by the past 21 months and the desire to return to normalcy clouded our vision and judgment for how to proceed. I know I took many missteps the first couple months of school both because of my own personal issues and a desire to “get back to normal” after what has seemed like such a difficult road for those of us in giving professions especially when the ability to build relationships and connections is so overwhelmed by all the “normal” trauma individuals experience coupled with the collective trauma of the pandemic.

I had to realign my expectations and almost start over with myself in November to turn both my attitude and my routines around to have a better year and really work with my students where they’re at instead of where I thought they were; part of that process was by becoming a calmer, more centered, and balanced person both in school and out.

The first two months of school I was almost constantly coming home with a headache and all I wanted to do was take that precious hour or hour and half before I had to pick my daughter up from daycare to watch some not suitable for children TV (currently “Criminal Minds” on Netflix). I was so burnt out from the day and all the mental and emotional energy I was spending to keep it together and be the adult in the room my levels crashed on the lulling ride home and I basically wanted to spend the evening being a vegetable.

And while that was what I needed in the moment, it was not productive or fulfilling and to a certain extent left me feeling worse at the end of the day. I brainstormed ways to change the narrative because functioning as a wife, mom, and teacher requires me to take care of myself first. I know we’ve all heard the airplane oxygen mask analogy (“put yours on first”) but why is it so damn hard to follow that advice? Why is it so difficult, mostly for women, to really set aside time or ways to take care of ourselves so we are centered, calm, and balanced? Even when you KNOW that it works? Even when you SEE that it works? But I slip into old patterns and try to put everyone (or everything AKA cleaning) first, so I end up irritated, short tempered, and miserable.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

As part of my brainstorming session, I created an “end of day” ritual for my workday, and I feel like many could benefit from this idea whether you’re working from home and have to shift gears or whether your work day is stressful and you need to not bring that stress home. Maybe you’re a retail worker during this “wonderful” time of the year and people are not necessarily treating you with holiday cheer, maybe you’re a teacher like myself just trying to do a better job, maybe you’re a mom who’s working from home and somehow has to flip a switch and become mom….who knows? I found that having this simple ritual has really helped me both end the day and be ready for tomorrow while also carving out a little mental space for me to a calmer, better, more balanced person. This ritual has really helped lift the weight that I had felt was dragging me down over the past couple of months.

My ritual has three parts:

1. Make my to do list for tomorrow — This is critical for feeling like I can leave work at work. I write down anything I need to do tomorrow so I can forget about it for the rest of the night. If it’s already written down some where my brain doesn’t have to try to remember it. If I don’t do this first the rest of my ritual is lost.

2. I use an aromatic room spray that gives me the olfactory cue that the day is over and time to mentally draw the boundary between work me and home me.

3. I meditate for usually 3–5 minutes. I really can’t last much longer than that but by taking those minutes to slow down and take a few deep breaths it really helps me end the day and transition.

I was incredibly surprised how instituting this small, ten-minute ritual really helped me be a better, less burnt-out person. It kept the stress from getting too overwhelming and ultimately coming home with me for the night. It is allowing me to use the time before I pick up my daughter from daycare in a more fulfilling way and then is also allowing me to be a better, more present parent once I do pick her up. It’s also giving me the ability to stay on top of my to do list at work so I am (usually) not overwhelmed with all my responsibilities.

I look forward to when the last bell rings, the bus change announcements are made and I can shut down my laptop and complete my ritual because it means that the rest of the afternoon and evening has possibilities again instead of just wanting to lounge on the couch and ignore everything else.