When’s the last time you did something really hard? Like so frustrating you want to cry, hard? For me, it was yesterday.
“…to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life”
~Henry David Thoreau, Walden (emphasis is mine)
I am lucky, I am a teacher who gets to spend the whole summer off with my child. I want the summers of the future to conjure up the magic and memories of summers of the past. I want the Munchkin to feel like summer is a time for fun and exploration, for adventures, and marrow sucking. I want her (and me) to enjoy summer; I don’t want to look back and think I’ve “wasted” the gift that summer brings.
How much time do we really have? I have been struggling since the Munchkin, and to be honest, since before the Munchkin, to figure out what I REALLY like to do. What are my hobbies as an adult? I do a great job of “adulting” and taking care of the productive to do list but what do I do for fun? What does it feel like to be “alive” for me?
I’ve been thinking a lot about self care. I’m not sure where I am in my self-care journey since I’m still trying to figure out how to live in the “messy middle” of getting it right and just getting it done but but I have come to realize a few things about self-care….
Here we are, one month into 2019. One twelfth down, or 8.3%, eleven-twelfths left. I had posted about my goals for 2019 here and thought I could write an update every month to see how it’s going; that will also help keep me thinking about them. Here’s my 19 for 2019 list that is hanging on my fridge:
I have been out of the blogging game for a few months as my life has gotten even crazier and messier than before. Shortly after my last post we entered the settlement of the new house, a full 6 months before I was mentally prepared to do it (which also was in danger of being postponed), then the fixing of the house, and the moving of the house. All while still working full time and trying to be the mom to a toddler.
I started this entry in October, but it became incredibly intimidating to me to write for some reason. So as with anything we fear, I just ignored it and put it on the back burner to never see the light of day. I was so honored by Sam since she chose me and then I just felt so inadequate that I didn’t bother to finish the entry. So today, as part of my “forward” mantra of 2018, I finished it. Maybe a few months behind but at least it’s done.
I have been diving more into this blogging thing and working on making it something more regular so in that vane I’ve joined a few blogging groups. As part of that there was a post asking for our links to be nominated for The Liebster Award and I was chosen by Sam Richardson at Living Richardson. I highly recommend you checking out her blog for a little bit of everything including her post More Than A Number about dealing with love and loss. It is so raw, real, and touching that you feel it as well as the resilience and power she demonstrates when dealing with the loss of her children. It is such a tough conversation to have but I feel like we benefit when we have those tough conversations and kudos to Sam for being able to put it out there. Continue reading “The Liebster Award”
I’m a “to do” list kind of person and after a rather tumultuous week at work for a variety of reasons I came home Friday night when I felt completely out of control and not sure which direction was up so I made a “to do” list for the weekend. And my list made me think…
For a long time I’ve wanted to have a family and be an “adult”. I’m not sure why because this adulting thing is for the birds but it was on my list of things to do so here I am doing it to the best of my ability (which is questionable some days but everyone seems to be alive and in some way thriving). I also have a very distinct memory of me as a kid playing outside on a brisk Fall afternoon and running up the back steps to come inside, presumably for dinner and being smacked in the face with some smell of food cooking and it just is one of those moments that sticks out. At my parents’ house they have a vent fan over the stove that vented into the outside and just happens to be right outside the back door. Nothing special or magical from my childhood and very “basic”. For some reason the juxtaposition of the cold Fall air and the warm smell from the kitchen has cemented itself in my memory and become the template for a quintessential (see all those vocabulary words I’ve stuck in here?!?!) Fall afternoon. And because of this memory I have always associated Fall with family, comfort, and home. Now with a child of my own it’s a different perspective but still the same, the magic is really in the small stuff. Continue reading “Domestic Bliss….right?”