What is “self-love”?

I realized that with all the holiday adventures, new year shenanigans, and the illnesses that have plagued the house I haven’t posted a blog that goes along with the “messy” part of the title for a while.

This weekend was blah.  Every so often I get into a mood where I don’t want to do anything particularly but I also can’t figure out what I want to do to make me happy.  I didn’t want to be “mom” but I didn’t want to squander the weekend away from the Munchkin.  I didn’t want to be alone but I didn’t want to be around people.  I wanted to be with the Mr. but didn’t necessarily want to do anything the Mr. wanted to do.  Luckily, he weathers these conundrum moods pretty well especially when I can turn to him and tell him “I don’t want this, this or this; but I don’t know what I want either.”

I don’t know if it was caused by mid-winter dreary funk or what but I was definitely not a happy camper this weekend.  Add in the fact that the Munchkin is turning four and all the wonderful things that come along with that and it was just a weekend of hell.

Sunday rolled around and the Mr. went off to work and a few hours later the Munchkin and I started trying to plan our day.  Because Saturday was a day stuck in first gear with no real drive or desire we didn’t get the week’s groceries the way I usually do so I couldn’t do any of my weekly meal prep and so I woke up prepared to continue the funk.

The Munchkin wanted to watch TV all morning and I was almost prepared to let her but decided it would be a good idea to go to church since we “skipped” last week so thus ensued the fight about getting dressed and ready for church.  This went through various stages including “no you cannot JUST wear a bathrobe and underwear”.  I finally got her to put some clothes on (and her bathrobe) made it through a couple shoe choices and out the door.  For some reason this week, she felt the need to take quite a few toys and other accoutrements with us and I was just not interested in fighting every. single. battle. with her to get out the door.

We do our thing, end up at the grocery store after church (yay Super Bowl shopping madness!) and by the time we walked back in the door, this extrovert was running on E.  My back has also been bothering me all week (when you fall off a cargo net about 8 feet onto your back every so often the injury sneaks up and reminds you it’s still there) so when we came home all I really wanted to do was turn on the TV and just check out.

But I stopped and thought about what “self-love” really is and what being a mother really is about.  Sometimes you have to give in to your wants but sometimes you have to put on your big girl panties and do what you need to do.  I can’t always give into the Munchkin when she wants something and I certainly shouldn’t always give into myself when I want something.  I thought about the messy house, I thought about the fact that my food wasn’t prepped for the week and what that would do to me for the REST of the week.  I took stock and decided that meal prepping was an important part of my week and something that doesn’t take a lot of time in the grand scheme of things but decided that cleaning the house was outside the realm of my energy levels for the day.

Had I just given into the Munchkin and myself, I would have just found something to watch on TV and written off the rest of the day; then I’d be kicking myself in morning when I have to pack my lunch bag and think about what to take for lunch but because I mothered myself and did what I NEEDED to do instead of just what I wanted to do; this way the morning isn’t filling me with dread.  I’ve got the stuff ready to go so I can have a healthy lunch without too much thought in the morning.

Now don’t get me wrong, my house is still not clean:

 

But I’m ok with that.  I decided what was the most important thing I could spend my energy on to set me up for success this week and did it instead of just throwing in the towel today and cursing myself the rest of the week.

Balance is important; it’s not always about giving in or going full steam ahead when you don’t have the steam.  Sometimes it’s about doing something instead of nothing.  This has been the greatest gift an online community could give me and if you’re interested in checking them out,you can do it here. Balance 365 isn’t just about what I’ve been eating or what I’ve been doing for exercise, it’s given me the space to see the forest AND the trees.  This weekend I needed to meal prep since that can effect so many areas of my week but I didn’t really need to worry about straightening up the house because that’s not going to impact me nearly as much.  We’ll get around to cleaning the house eventually, we always do.

 

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